Late March

The kids are in school three whole weeks and bang-oooh, its spring break! These kids must be thinking this is a great place!

Well, not to let them backslide too much, Mama had a plan. Sasha was off to soccer day camp run by DC Parks & Recreation. The girls went off to Camp Masquerade, offered by the Girl Scouts. Here's their camp pictures:



We have been out exploring the different parks and playgrounds around town. Here they defy gravity in a kool rope jungle gym at Garfield park in S.E. DC.

Between playgrounds with their swing addiction. "Papa,Papa, one more.. one more.. one more (push)". 
Two of the upsides of orphanage life we see for these kids today:

One is a well-developed ability to share things. Conversely the concept of private property is a little underdeveloped.

Number two is, what I call the Timex effect – they take a licking and keep on ticking. I have seen Tanya fall off a swing and land flat on her back, after two and half tears she was right back in the saddle and giving her very chagrined and relieved Papa the "one more ...." routine.

Tanya and our intrepid friend Clinton, in a timed heat as Sasha cheers them on:
The day at the races. We took all three to a little 1/8 of a mile track at the Rec center to break in their new-to-the-kids bikes and training wheels. It was like an hour-and-a-half of amateur night at the NASCAR track. More spills and thrills than the Wide World of Sports opening credits. Each time Christina crashed, she would quickly remount while crying for another 20 meters of progress. After I adjusted the training wheels her success rate began to improve. At the end, Sasha is about to move on to unassisted crashing and I think the girls are well on their way to control peddling and braking (two out of three at a time).

Masha helped Tanya with this banana, raisin and pretzel caterpillar thing, that was made from a kids cook book Heidi brought home. The kids are getting more and more adventurous in dining, but they are a long way from curry and jalapeños. Most recently they made the jump, a blind leap of faith you might say, and tried a hot fudge Sunday. Wow, what a bunch of risk takers! 

They have all been making steady progress on schedules and rituals. Every night used to be a test of wills, and now it is mostly organized and peaceful(er). At first we had been trying to get them all in bed at the same time. This turned into a double bunk bed jungle gym time for three hours until we went to bed in disgust.

Older and wiser:
Our first trick was to stagger them into bed at 30-minute intervals and now add in picture books to let them unwind. This is the 80% solution but a whole lot better than where we started.

We had been warned that the kids will cycle into and out of moods. Yesterday, the girls came out of day camp in a rare mood. They drove Masha and I out of the library because of their active resistance. Because we could feel an ugly mood coming on, we headed for the car. Then last night, Christina and I had a little face-off over bedtime. The other kids stayed in bed (another big improvement over past chaos) as she and I went down stairs to settle it.

She is a very strong and persistent adversary, but with calm restraint we sat on the couch. She would try to get up, or bite or twist away and I would hold on. At a point we had a break through, but it made for a very long evening. It is really evident to us that she is carrying a tremendous amount of rage and frustration in that little brain of hers. Today she was off to camp for the last day festivities.

This weekend is the kite festival, the opening event of the cherry blossom festival. Two play dates, church, and of course two soccer practices for the girls to go to.

Jerry reports that Maxim is doing great, reporting 1 1/2's and 10 lbs. We look forward to his testing and lab results.

Thank you all for the kind words and deeds of support. All I can say that opening our heats and home to these kids has changed us in ways we could never have imagined.

As always, in his name,

Papa Dog

Brains of the Issue

While we are still collecting the information from the medical screening, we have moved onto the brains of the issue.

Christina has been evaluated by Dr Federici, a Russian-speaking American, who by the grace of god works about half-an-hour from our home (http://www.drfederici.com). He has been working with these kind of children for over twenty years and has been giving us some great advice on how to approach them in a consistent and effective manner.

Getting your head around the world these kids have come from is a bit challenging. I have taken to calling it, "doing time in kiddie prison." While other kids my have been watching Barney the singing dinosaur, Christina was suffering collective punishment in a class full of children the same age. She developed no skills of decision making, since she had no decisions to make. She would change her underwear and clothes once a week on wash day, the same day she would bathe and wash her clothes.

Then we had Sasha and Tanya evaluated by Dr Boris Gindis, an American-speaking Russian, at the BG Center (http://www.bgcenter.com) in Nanuet New York. Each evaluation is a very detailed assessment of each of the children, administered in their native language to give the best picture of their strengths and weaknesses before the switch to English makes this almost impossible to determine.

We havehad the good fortune to havethe University of Minnesota international adoption clinic take on Maxim for a visit next month. These visits are building the book we will use to chart their educational and treatment plans.

Now a funny one from the past:
During the poopka patrol in service of our medico's work ups. So Heidi had just gotten our smallest one to provide her first sample and was being very proud of her produced sample. But then, as Heidi was distracted for a moment, the sample waiting by the front door for an unguarded moment;

"Ajo! (The dog) get out of that!" ...and with a bark, a hustle by mom and a wail of dismay from the proud sample provider, the evening just got a little more exciting.

Well, when the dust settled and the sample viles where filled, all was mostly good with the world. But Tanya will not look at Ajo ever quite the same.

Now, with both Heidi and I on the sick list today, Masha herded the kids to the car this morning, but only after the cossacks extracted a blood promise to make the big jump tomorrow.

Drum roll please... 3 bikes from the thrift store - $30. Helmets, safety checks and training wheels - $300;  dora the explora Band aids and bactine, priceless. Our buddy Clinton is heading over ready to give the Lance Armstrong school of hard knocks to these little hard heads on the two wheel (plus two) training ground tomorrow.

Erik, the much harassed.... Papa

Coming and Going

Well, well... the week's thoughts focus on the ins and outs of our life these days.

First the Ins:
When the kids came to us, they had a very "institutional taste buds" at the dining table. They turned down almost all sauces and melted cheese concoctions. Of course Christina led the "turn it down before you taste it" charge. Bare noodles, rice or potatoes went down well, but au gratin, lasagna or (very yummy) spaghetti, PB and J all met resistance, more or less.

The added bonus to blessings of the delivered dinners so many wonderful folks from our church brought over, they reflected many approaches to cooking and styles of preparation. We have also developed our skills of presenting and incentive-ising new tastes and textures. It is now a bit of a game to get them to try a small piece.

With time, we have been able to split up the "Nyet block" a bit at a time. Sasha and Tanya have been crossing the picket line more and more often.

So on Thursday, we had a bit of an Americana break-through in the junk food department. Masha and I took the three of them to Jimmy T's, a Capitol Hill favorite diner.

So we ordered open-faced peanut butter & jelly sandwiches and french fries for them. We actually convinced them to try a sample sandwich or two. They worked over the fries, with Sasha even trying ketchup (what a wild boy he is). Then they surprised us by digging into the onion-rings the grown ups had ordered. Then, the moment of truth, the corn dog came.

They passed it around and discussed what it may be made of, how, and where to bite it to find out. Wow, another success! These darn American swine make some things that are a tad better than porridge. 

And now for the outs.
We have been doing a complete work-up on the kids these last few weeks. The labs have been keeping us in constant contact with doctors. Intestinal parasites and other issues with inoculations and other tests pop-up routinely with these kids. So, as brand new parents we have a little kid medicine to catch up on. The favorite, so far, is the stool-sample regime. We have to collect three samples from each brave kinder and place them in a separate set of tubes, each. For those weak in math, that is nine samples loaded into 18 separate vials.

We had to get a score card going to keep track of the hero's work. Tanya is the bashful one coming in last and Sasha was the trooper, delivering the goods right up front. After the consultation Thursday with the Doc, it looks like the gang is due for another blood draw for a titers work-up to fill in some of the holes in the first screening. Good thing they like stickers, cuz they are collecting a bunch of them (that is the prize when they complete the shots and blood draws).

Erik and Heidi

4th Weekend of the American Family

This week's wrap-up is a confusing hustle of activity to a novice parent. It includes haircuts, doctor visits, blood draws, cartoon band-aids, and lots of stickers.

Our second trip to the family pool in near by Maryland. My family had a tradition of "Swim Night" on Fridays, started as a special schedule to get the kids to the University of Michigan's pool for a family swim time. In my recollection, years later in southern California, it was a first-come first-serve meal time. Our own swim night ritual of going to this wonderful facility with the three kids.

Our church has been incredible! Since we have been home, we have been assisted by so many wonderful people who have brought wonderful dinners by for us. In the bleak hours of the first weekend, Pastor Heather asked us how she could help us, Heidi and I are not too good at asking for help you see. She suggested meals as a service that people could help us with.

What a wonderful blessing, as we struggled those first days to stabilize the chaos. And as things calmed down, not having the time or mental energy to plan and prepare our dinner meals. Time and again, friendly faces at the door would bring in not only the food to nourish us but their concern and compassion. Just being able to share our story and in many cases give weekly updates as they returned with new labors of love for us.

The most picturesque effort was a carefully-crafted rendition of the United States and the Ukraine in Pizza! There where so many wonderful and nutritious meals all crafted and delivered with love and kindness. This has been such a blessing, since these meals have given us more time to focus on getting the children through all the hoops of school entry. Most nights we have just been able to collapse at the end of a full day.

Some of the weeks highlights in pictures:

The Ukraine Pizza!

Getting Go-to-school haircuts.

Our new school uniforms. 1&2

The new look.

Dance Concert in the Kitchen - and the dog gets in it too!

With a new-found respect for love,

Erik & Heidi

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The New Look

Tada!  The new look!

Photo Reminder - all the photos posted throughout our blog are also available for viewing online by clicking HERE. And for those who like "real" photographs, just drop us a note in the comments (below), and we'll send you an "invitation" to select photos and order prints from our album on the Costco Photos site.

Impression

Monday, 23 February 2009

So, last night I was lying in bed thinking about the impression that was made on me by meeting someone.

This someone spent half of their life in a physically abusive relationship, only to be utterly abandoned to spend the other half incarcerated. The things I have have learned from this person have made me question all of my assumptions about life, belief and priorities. I have learned more about grace, prayer and hope than I ever knew. All this since I came to know this person.

I have also experienced sacrifice, trust and desperation to levels beyond my experience. I have seen people risk their livelihoods, respect and self worth for this person.

This person is the six-year-old girl sleeping in our bed last night. Tanya, asleep and wriggling gently in the covers as we close out the busy weekend.

Tanya, I only hope your dreams are as peaceful as your face.

Your Papa

Erik

Truth in Blogging

Looking back on the 8th of February.

We had described the rough days we had on our return. I just uploaded the pictures I have to remind us of the first clash of wills. I only have mental images of the 3 A.M. test of wills with Christina, but I do have the aftermath recorded.

In these pictures you will see the cute little girl and the damage she did to her 2nd bedroom door, the first one she destroyed. You will also see the door as it stands today. Then we have the parental badges of courage, now healed, the abuse the parents took those first few days. I hope they don't have rabies, those little teeth are sharp!

We have been warned that just because these day have past, doesn't mean they are gone. We stand ready for the next blow.

Erik

Presidents Day (photos)

President's Day and a calm one so far (shh -don't tell the kids we think it's quiet)!

This Sunday was a marked contrast to last. The kids got up early and helped make muffins. Max had left earlier to visit Uncle Jerry and his family in Minnesota for a while.

Tears where running down my cheeks as we stood in Church yesterday, we had a choir group of children from the Watoto Village orphanage, in Uganda,  singing on a fund raising tour of the United states. I looked over at the former orphans next to us in the pew and thanked God for all the blessings in our life.

Now we are standing in a darkened hall, surrounded by people who have been praying for us and helping in the undertaking for the last two years.

A flash of recognition goes across the face of a young Army Nurse from Walter Reed,  when she realizes these kids are the ones we had prayed for in our Alpha Group last fall. I have trouble finishing my sentences, but I can point to the kids as they chomp their donuts and stare at all the people coming and going between services. They had joined in children's church and made some new friends along the way. The whole process of our church, that meets in the movie theater at Union Station was a bit of a blur to them.

Jerry came on Thursday to meet the kids and get to know Maxim. We had some wild times at Ft. Myer Army Base on Friday as we tried to get the kids in for their medical visits and get Maxim his ID Card, since he is old enough and they require him to have one to receive medical benefits. Let me just say that the ID Card Section will remember the visit for a long time to come. At least the Military Police were not involved. We also made a short trip to the National Zoo on Saturday, where the lion made a special demonstration of his vocal abilities, this I think even impressed the kids.

We still have a lot of tense moments, but they grow farther apart, and our scratches and bruises are healing. We are all learning to live with each other a little better and look forward to a play date in a few minutes with Pat Thomas and her grand daughter Micaha.

Mike Oland from Church came by a few days ago to attempt to shoot some family portraits. Christina was on strike but with great patience on his side and a lot of jumping up to see each picture, on their side, the pictures where taken.

(the rest of Mike's session, and all Brun Family photos posted here) or add a comment to this blog requesting access to all the photos on the Costco Photo site, where you can order prints.

We are now assessing when and if the work schedule will return to normal, and continue to get the kids tied into Dr. appointments and evaluations.

Love to all,

Erik and Heidi

Zoo Day

Took the younger three kids to the zoo today with the assistance of Masha and Jennifer Bindhammer and Clinton Blair and they had a great time! Masha escaped two hours later to get off to go help at Ebs hospitality (we are thankful she remembers to "pop smoke" as we call it in the military - to leave the area- and go have a life for herself even though she leaves to continue to serve others!)... Erik and I were exhausted when we left the zoo and the three kids were fairly tired too (yeah!)... My brother Jerry had Maxim all day on his own and Jerry continues to amaze me with the heart of gold and the kindness to this tough minded and strong willed (yet very confused and scared little boy)!

We hope that tomorrow am Jerry can get Maxim on the am flight to Minnesota and that all the kids can be ok with the change. Our family (Jerry's wife and daughter, my two other siblings, Mom, Grandma x 2) and friends and community in MN are already looking for Russian-speaking help and resources to be there when Jerry and Maxim land in MN and head up North to the 10 acres of land to begin a more roaming ability lifestyle for Maxim. Jerry already started to teach him how to use power tools, and with patience that Jerry has so much of, Maxim is learning to fix and do projects.

Thanks again and please ask many to continue to pray for this family!

Regards!

Heidi and Erik Brun and family

The Calm Continues

The calm continues as the week comes to a close. Heidi and Jerry, her brother, had Maxim at the ID Card section at Ft. Myer today and Jerry got a good feel for a full-scale (or Maximum) Meltdown. Otherwise the army bureaucracy kept us jumping. The folks from the Church covered us in the morning so we could be three places at once.

We continue to find our way around. We are pulling together support and resources as fast as we can. Most recently I stumbled across the website of the Families for Russian Ukrainian Adoption (FRUA): the DC Chapter has 250 families.

http://www.frua.org/

Heidi had arranged for an appointment with Dr. Ronald S. Federici. He came highly recommended, and as it turns out is a national expert on foreign adoption specializing in the former Soviet states, who has been on Nightline, 20/20 and Oprah. He agreed to see Christina as the first egg in our basket to boil. She is due for a 7-hour intake in March or earlier if a hole opens up in his schedule. We met for an hour today and it was very revealing.

He gave us a copy of his current resource, I've ordered some more copies on Amazon today, so it is available:

Help for the Hopeless Child: A Guide for Families (With Special Discussion for Assessing and Treating the Post-Institutionalized Child), Second Edition (Paperback) by Ronald S. Federici (Author) "Hopeless" goes hand in hand with such descriptions as: desperate, discouraged, incurable and irreparable..." 

http://www.drfederici.com/ is his website. He has some very good articles and other resources posted.

The kids are home and diner is simering.

Love to all,

Erik

Wednesday

The rebellion has become less visible, the kids bedroom door now has a sheet of plywood on the inside. We have placed locks on the adult rooms and have put security bars on the windows to keep the accidental fall from adding the emergency room to our tours of DC.

I'm not prod of a Mini-Max kids room, but when you send them to their room, they need to stay there.

Big Max, our facilitator who traveled with us to keep the kids in check, stopped by on Tuesday night. He sat down and talked to them all for about 20 minutes. He found many interesting things, like the orphanage doctor had ordered them all not to talk about their home life to anyone. They all have memory of their home life including a very abusive alcoholic father and a mother who loved and protected them until the father ended up in jail. Then she found a "new fiance" and left them. (Ages 7, 6, 5, and  3 at the time). I put Max on the shuttle bus to Dulles Wednesday.

The kids are progressing in settling in.Heidi has slayed the Military benefits dragon and we have three medical appointments on Friday.

She had rooted around and found the name of a Russian speaking specialist in Northern VA. Somehow she got an appointment for us to take Christina in on Friday for a induction session. He has several of his own children who he adopted from the former USSR and was a groundbreaking practitioner for detachment disorder. Unfortunately Tricare does not recognize him. We are going to do this one out of pocket.

I contacted an organization called Families for Russian and Ukraine adoption (FRUA), that provides International adoption information for families interested in Russian adoption, Ukraine adoption, and adoption from neighboring countries. They have 250 members in the DC/ NoVA/ MD area. When I told the their Representative that we had an appointment with this Therapist she said he was "the" authority in the central east cost. She was very impressed that Heidi had Christina on the list for this week since he is usually scheduled out two months.

Heidi's Brother Jerry flies in Today, the dog has a hair appointment and the church organized meals keep coming. We toured two parks with the kids yesterday and most improtantly to me, we hand a 7 participant tickle fight/wrestling match on the sectional.

Most importantly was that Tayna was a player in the tickle fest. She has always been at arms reach, so she came out of her shell another inch. Christina is doing better, but Maxim shows a lot of wear and tear in his short life. Sasha keeps delivering as the mostly good boy, like when he was the first to cross the "No Chili on my plate" picket line at the diner table.

Every new food is meet with jeers and derision at first, except the Strawberry Shortcake.

Dawn Breaks on Thursday, gotta go!

Erik

Home Again, Home Again, Home Again All

The main effort is over! Now the insurgency (sound familiar?). The enemy may not have a flag or uniform, but they warrant the same caution and respect.

The last battle of the Adoption, Ukraine edition:

The scene was the duty free shop in Borispil International airport. We had just cleared passports and security, to get into the waiting area. Heidi and I go into Duty Free to get some bribes for the kids and look for comfort food for us. I head out of the store to get Big Max who was watching the the bags, so he can help negotiate with the kids on goodies (not the place to do this shopping by the way). Well, three of them follow me out with an armful of goods in hand and the security goon hot on their heels. A set of mug shots where not taken.

A new day, a new struggle:

We made the flights and had a fantastic welcome Saturday night from our friends. The place looked amazing! Masha and the NCC Crew had painted the kids' room and assembled all the Ikea stuff to fit four in to the space available. Presents had been coming in for them and wrapping paper was flying. And all was bliss at the close of Saturday, but that's at midnight.

Now, the theme this week is: Prison Break, the movie

By 3 AM Sunday; we have been bitten, pinched, scratched, spit on and sweared at with the gusto of a Baltic sailor. The high point of Sunday was Christina and Max tossing the mattress out the 2nd floor bedroom window and threatening a jump.

The most memorable scene of Christina dismantling the louvers on the bedroom door and trowing them at me down the stairs. At first I watched her hit the door, and the louvers separated, then the fingers began to explore. When she got a good hold of one and gave it a good yank, it was all over. It was a Zombie film slo-mo; as the slats disappeared out of the frame and came at me whiffing through the air. Luckily she throws like a girl (ha ha).

Christina is the ring leader and Max is her henchman, Sasha less so and has a heart. Tanya is the victim who gets less attention since she isn't acting out.

Close of business Monday, calmer but movement in the background. 10 holes in the new hollow-core door I installed on Sunday. I have a sheet of plywood and a carpenter coming Tuesday to reinforce their door and secure the rest of the adult rooms.

We just found the new car tonight since we have to sell ours to get enough seats. Toyota won the drive off.

Our friends and Church members have been stopping by for moral, morale and tangible support. Tonight, our dinner was was catered by a great young couple at our church. They have Mondays, and the calender is filling up with volunteers.

I am at the point of tears when I think of all the help we have gotten and the help that is on the way; my nephew Max from California is in town and stopping by for lunch Tuesday; Heidi's Brother, Jerry, is heading to the airport on Thursday for a four day visit; and Babushka Dawn (Heidi's Mom) arrives later this month.

Love, the learning parent. Keep the prayers coming for the adjustment phase.

Erik